A Lie for a Life
by ShanMah
Summary: "From the moment I held him in my arms, I knew that it had been worth it - my precious baby boy..." - Narcissa's thoughts and fears during the battle of Hogwarts, and what was going on in her mind when she saved Harry.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own any character, everything belongs to the awesome J. K. Rowling.

**Pairing:** None - well techincally, Lucius/Narcissa, but the story is more about Narcissa and Draco (as mother and son, of course) than them.

**I apologize in advance:** I'm not British. I'm a French Canadian who learned her English from Canadian teachers, British movies, American books, Australian TV shows - you name it. So if you see the character here not speaking a proper British English, having some American idioms, etc., I'm really sorry, it is not due to me not being aware that they're not American, but simply to me not being British.

**Context: **From the moment Narcissa went to beg Snape to help Draco, I liked her a lot, and I knew she wasn't the cold-hearted snob she seemed to be at the Quidditch World Cup in the fourth book. The moment she lied to Voldemort for her son, however, I fell in complete love with the character - besides it's such a perfect scene, such an amazing way to repeat the circle - Harry saved by a woman, a mother, _again_. So anyway, this is my take on what was going on in her mind at that point. There aren't enough Narcissa stories out there, come on folks! As for as medias go, I used bits of the book and bits of the movie for my fanfictions, because I'm the author and I felt like picking the best of each :P

**"Music, Maestro?":** Is what you will ask if you've read some of my stuff before. "But certainly," will I answer you! I listened to various musics as I wrote that. Scenes from the past have been written to Immediate Music - _Surrender to Hope_, and the rest has been written listening to Immediate Music - _Serenata Immortale_. I don't own that, of course not, but boy is it great.*propaganga mode ON* IMMEDIATE MUSIC IS AWESOME, LISTEN TO IT *propaganda mode OFF*

**A Lie for a Life**

_"It's a boy," the nurse said with a smile as she picked the newborn up, "It's a beautiful boy!"_

_Lucius' fingers were tight around mine, and he was beaming - I gave him an exhausted smile and he leaned in, kissing my sweaty forehead. I knew he was happy - this child would probably the only one we would have, and I knew he wanted a son. As much as I had always dreamed of a house filled with children, I doubted I would ever have that chance. The baby cried as they cleaned him up, and I believe I was crying, too, I was so tired. It had been hard, everything about this journey had been hard; getting pregnant had been difficult, I had had several problems during my pregnancy, and it had taken many long, painful hours of labour to finally hear our child's first cry._

_"Here," the young nurse said softly._

_She was walking towards me, holding my baby in the fluffy green blanket we had brought with us; he was still crying. I lifted my upper body, sitting up with the help of my husband: I opened my arms, and she very carefully gave me the newborn. _

_"A perfectly healthy boy, congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy."_  
_"Hi there," I whispered, touching his tiny hand with my finger._

_The baby stopped crying, and I felt overwhelmed with... with... I didn't know how to call it, but I knew I wanted to make him happy, I knew I wanted him safe. It had been difficult, but from the moment I held him in my arms, I knew that it had been worth it - my precious baby boy. I knew from the very second I laid my eyes on my son that I would do anything for him. I smiled, although I was well aware that he could not see me yet._

_"Welcome to the world, baby..."_

* * *

"Severus."

I lifted my eyes when I heard Lucius' voice in my back. I turned around, but he didn't look at me: he was staring at Snape.

"The Dark Lord wants to see you. Immediately."

Without a word, Snape left the group. I was leaning against a tree in the Forbidden Forest - Merlin knew I would never put a single toe in there, not even when I was in Hogwarts and it was regarded as daring and _cool_, but I had no choice. It was the closest I could be to my son, who was - or so I hoped - still fighting in the castle. Many Slytherins had came to join sides with the Dark Lord after they had been escorted out of Hogwarts... but not him. What did it mean? More than ever, I feared for his safety. Why had he not shown up with the others? I stared at my husband as he took place next to me - he did not speak, but he looked down.

"What did the Dark Lord say?" I asked.

Lucius had gone and asked him if he could get inside the school to search for Harry Potter - of course, he actually wanted to try and find Draco.

"He figured it out," Lucius replied from under his breath, "He knows I want to find Draco, he won't let me leave this forest."

Lucius shook his head.

"How could we think that this was going to fool him, I don't even have a wand anymore, and neither do you."

This was true. The Potter boy had stolen Draco's wand weeks ago, and because the Dark Lord wouldn't allow Draco to purchase a new one, I had given him my own so he could protect himself in the battle.

"I suppose we are to stay here, to wait until he wins?" I whispered.  
"Correct. When this is over, we may be allowed to enter. Only then can we hope of finding him again."

He sighed.

"The Dark Lord says that Potter will come to him, I hope he is right, and I hope he does so soon, every minute that pass, Draco might-"  
"Don't say it," I hissed. "I have enough horrible scenarios in my mind, Lucius, please do not validate any of them."

* * *

_"Wooooo-ooohhh!"_

_I twirled and twirled, holding Draco in my arms; today was his first anniversary._

_"Who's my little prince? Who's a big boy now? Who's a big boy today? You are - yes you are!"_

_He laughed as I tossed him in the air a little, catching him barely a second after and holding him against my chest, making him turn and twirl again._

_"Don't worry Sunshine, Mummy's got you, Mummy will protect you always, and she'll love you every night, every day, all the time!"_

_Draco laughed again and I kissed his cheek one time, two times, three times, four times..._

* * *

"What are you two whispering about?" Bellatrix's voice snapped, breaking the flow of my thoughts - or should I say, the flow of my memories.

She glared at us as she got closer, looking suspicious. She had a scratch on her cheek, but she seemed otherwise unharmed from the battle she had fought in the school.

"We're worried about Draco," I replied. "He wasn't with the other Slytherins, we're afraid maybe he was unable to get out in time."  
"_Oh_."  
"You..."

I hesitated. She was _just_ in there, but I didn't know if I could still trust her - did she care at all that I was her sister anymore? Or was she nothing else than the Dark Lord's hand now?

"Bella, you were in the castle, have you seen him?"  
"No," she replied coldly, "And seeing as the Slytherin house was the first to be evacuated, I highly doubt that he was simply _unable_ to leave Hogwarts in time."  
"What are you trying to imply?" Lucius growled.

His hand reached for his wand, purely out of habit, and I stopped him, also out of habit - but then I realised how foolish we must've looked. Lucius didn't have a wand anymore, so what would he reach for, and what would I stop him from doing? Bellatrix grinned.

"Easy, Lucius. You know perfectly well what I'm saying - if Draco isn't here, that is because he chose to side with the Mudbloods and the blood traitors in Hogwarts, and he will get the same treatement once the fight is over. Would you look at the two of you - how the mighty have fallen."

She looked at us with disdain, and suddenly I was reminded of that shameful day our sister Andromeda had left our home to marry that Mudblood, that _Tonks_. Bella had stared at her with the very same look on her face - and I knew I had done just like her. I was as fair was she was dark, and yet we were so much alike - the haughty, aristocrat looks. The arrogance. The high cheekbones, the chin, the full lips. The pride. The _ideas._ Or... or so I had thought.

"We are sisters, how dare you talk to me like that?"

Bellatrix shrugged.

"It matters not to me. Besides, seeing you right now... you remind me much more of Andromeda than of myself."

I didn't reply. What could I say? Maybe it was true, after all. Maybe I was indeed much more like Andromeda than like Bella. Andromeda had left our family and she had chosen another path, because she fell in love with the _wrong_ man, and only now, over twenty years later, did I start to slightly understand her action. Sometimes... you've just got to give up everything for one single person, for one single moment. And I knew that right now I would give up anything only to hold Draco in my arms one last time - so what did that make _me?_ A blood traitor, like Andromeda? Was I to be considered tainted because I loved my son more than anything else in the world - just like Andromeda apparently loved that Muggle-born more than anything else?

"You disappoint me, Cissy - I would think that you would have taught Draco better than to turn his back on his family."  
"Don't say a word against my son, don't you _dare_-"

I took one step foward and I was ready to slap her across the face - for it was all I could do without my wand - but strong hands on my trembling shoulders stopped me. I tried to shrug them off, but it was no use.

"Narcissa, _stop_," Lucius said firmly. "Cissy, darling-"

He made me turn around, cupping my face with his hands.

"Draco's gonna be all right," he whispered to me. "He's more talented than me, and he's even cleverer than you, Draco will be _all right_, you hear me? Soon Potter will come here, turn himself in like an idiot, the Dark Lord will finally kill him, and we'll be reunited with Draco, I promise."

He kissed my forehead.

"This will all be over soon, I'm so sorry for putting you through this," he murmured.

* * *

_"Happy birthday!"_

_Draco was five this day and I had led him to the living room after waking him up, my hands covering his grey eyes he had inherited from his father: when I had removed him, he was able to see the room filled with coloured gifts - each of them being either something he had asked for, or something Lucius and I knew he would enjoy very much. He was our baby, our only child: we gave him everything. Lucius was also there, a faint smile lingering on his lips. He was not as expressive as I was - he had never been - but I knew the joy on Draco's face as he ran into the room made him happy, I knew he was proud that his son was growing up so well._

_"Here, Draco," he said, putting his right hand on one of the package, "I think this one will be your favourite."_

_Draco ran to the gift in question and he tore the silver wrapping._

_"A flying broom!"_

_He was overjoyed and I hugged him - I hugged and kissed him a lot, I just couldn't help it. My precious baby boy that I had wanted so much._

_"Who's going to be a Quidditch star?"_

_He kissed my cheek and hugged me back._

_"I love you, I love you!"_

_He ran to Lucius and hugged him - Lucius put one arm around his shoulders._

_"I love you, thank you so much!"_  
_"Go on," Lucius said, the smile being more visible on his lips, "Try it."_

_Draco got on the toy broom... and he didn't get off it for the rest of the day. Only the day after did he open the rest of his gifts, he was too happy with the first one to let it go..._

* * *

I was sitting on a fallen dead tree with Lucius, a bit apart of the group, when he came.

He stood in front of us, with his back straight and his head high. From where I was, I could barely see his face, but it seemed to betray no fear. _A boy._ Just a boy, like Draco - and yet he was facing death without faltering. For it was death he had came from, I knew it - his hands were empty. He didn't have a wand, he didn't even want to fight. _"Why?" _I thought as I looked at him, _"Why would you come such a long way, why would you defy the Dark Lord for many years and then just turn yourself in?"_

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

The Killing Curse left the Dark Lord's wand, and I turned face away - I couldn't bear to look at it. I lifted my head when I heard a commotion; the Dark Lord, too, had fallen to the ground.

"My Lord!" Bella rushed at his side, "My Lord, are you all right? Are you hurt? My Lord-"  
"I do not require assistance!" he barked, pushing my sister away as he got back on his feet.

She bowed her head and she stayed on the forest's ground. _"How the mighty has fallen,"_ I bitterly thought. My sister, usually so proud and arrogant, was just like a house elf when she was around her master. Submissive and obedient. I got up on my feet - Harry Potter laid on the ground, his body motionless, and I felt a horrible twitch in my stomach as my mind played tricks on me, showing me the body of my dear son instead.

"You!" the Dark Lord said.

A brief but burning pain appeared in my back, as though I had been whipped - I gasped.

"Tell me whether he's dead or not."

I swallowed - of _course_ he was dead! He had been hit with the Killing Curse, with neither an object or a person to shield him from harm! It was only then that I realised that neither the Death Eaters, nor the Dark Lord, dared to approach, let alone touch, the boy's body. As I walked towards the immobile body, I could not help but think of Draco - what if he laid up there, on the castle's floor, dead like Harry Potter?

* * *

_"How do we get to the train?" Draco asked, looking up to meet my eyes._

_"We go through this barrier - come with me, you'll see."_

_Holding his hand, I guided him to what seemed to be a solid wall of bricks - making sure that no Muggles was looking at us, I led him through the barrier._

_"Here you go, sweetie, the Hogwarts Express!"_

_Together we walked towards the red train - I was alone with Draco, Lucius couldn't come, he was needed at the Ministry._

_"All right, so..."_

_The moment I had feared the most. The moment where I had to let my precious baby boy go. I was grateful, though, that I had managed to convince Lucius to send him to Hogwarts, rather than Durmstrang, which was way, way too far for my liking._

_"You have everything in your trunks-"_

_I touched his cheek._

_"Oh baby, you've grown up so fast."_  
_"Mother," he sighed, looking slightly embarrassed._  
_"I'll write to you - and you better reply me, tell me how it goes there - make sure to send our love to Severus-"_  
_"Mother!" he blurted, "I can't send love to a professor, the others are gonna think I'm a dork!"_  
_"And make sure you do your best in class, but I know I needn't worry, you'll make us proud."_  
_"What if I'm not Slytherin?" he asked in a whisper. "W-what if I'm Ravenclaw or worse-?"_  
_"Oh, sweetie-"_

_I knew by the way he was looking at me that it was really worrying him. I hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek: the train was about to leave._

_"I don't care what House you're in," I replied to his ear, "Don't you remember what I always told you? Mummy'll love you every night, every day, all the time."_

_I kissed him again._

_"Besides, I think the Hat really cares about what you want. It was going to send me in Ravenclaw but I asked for Slytherin and I got it. So if you truly, truly desire to be a Slytherin, it will listen to you."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, really."_

_I gave him a comforting smile and a hug.  
_  
_"Take care, honey."_

_I let go of him but he didn't let go of me, keeping his arms around my waist._

_"I love you, Mum."_

_I smiled and I kissed his forehead._

_"I love you too baby, more than anything in the world - now go, Sunshine, you don't want to miss your first Hogwarts Express!"_

_And Draco finally let go of me, took his luggage and stepped into the red train..._

* * *

I kneeled on the ground and looked at him. Just a kid, after all... his face was so calm, as though he had finally found peace. Feeling the burning looks of everyone in my back, I slipped my hand under his dirty shirt, looking for a heartbeat that I knew I wouldn't find.

But I was wrong.

I felt it, I felt his heart pounding in his chest under my cold fingers! The only thing I could think about at this very moment was that _he had been in the castle._ Would he... would he know about Draco? I leaned in - I hoped that my hair would cover my face enough, and that I would look as though I was trying to search for his breathing.

"Is he alive? Draco, is he in the castle?" I whispered to Potter's ear, as low as I could.  
"Yes," he breathed back to my ear.

Chills ran down my spine - my son, my precious son. I lifted my head slowly, and I stared at him for a short while. A boy, just a boy... once saved by his mother's determination to protect him. I had heard many people, including Lucius, telling how foolish Lily Potter had been - but I disagreed. She might have been Mudblood, but there was one thing we had in common: we would do anything for our child. I turned around, and I braced myself, I made sure my mind was ready.

"Harry Potter is dead."

The Dark Lord stared at me in the eyes, and I didn't falter - and he laughed, and everyone but Lucius, Hagrid and me did the same: they laughed happily, some of them throwing random spells in the sky with their wands. Bellatrix was hysterical, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth to see that nothing else than him could give her joy anymore. He was master of her actions, master of her thoughts, master of her happiness and fear - she was not my dear sister anymore. I walked back towards Lucius without a word, without so much as a glance in his direction. I could lie to Lord Voldemort, but I knew no Occlumency would let me lie to my husband, and I was not quite sure he would not tell him about my treachery.

I remained cold and emotionless when the Dark Lord forced Hagrid to carry Harry Potter's ''corpse''. I was glad he had not asked a Death Eater to do it; any of them would surely notice that the boy was alive and would immediately betray me, but even if the half-giant could somehow manage to notice Harry Potter's breathing or heartbeat through his heavy tears and constant, loud sobbing, he would never tell the Dark Lord about it. He cared about the boy way too much to give him away. We began to walk, but Lucius held my elbow, keeping us behind.

"You lied," he said in a whisper.

I stared at him defiantly. I knew there was no use lying to him.

"Yes," I admitted. "Are you going to tell him? Are you going to betray your own wife?"

"Cissy, this is madness - why would you do such a thing? This is _madness_," he insisted, "What have you done?"

"I'm doing what _you_ should've done almost twenty years ago and that's choosing _us_ above_him!_ I'm doing it for Draco, I don't care about him, I don't care if he ever finds out, all I want is a chance to know that Draco is all right."

I wrenched my arm away from him.

"Now if you'll excuse me," I said, regaining my composture as I started walking towards the rest of the group.

* * *

_"Here," I said, sitting next to Draco on his bed, a vial in my hand. "Give me your arm."_

_He stared blankly - never in my life had I seen him looking at me like that. I forced my lips to smile._

_"Come on, sweetie, I know it hurts a lot, but this will help."_

_"How would you know it hurts? You never got it."_

_"In case you have forgotten, your father and your aunt both did. Stop acting like a baby and do as I say."_

_Draco reluctantly gave me his left arm; I pulled up the sleeve to his elbow, trying not to flinch as I saw the dreaded mark on his alabaster skin. I wanted to cry, but I managed to hold it inside. My precious baby boy... I opened the vial, and let a few drops of the crystal clear liquid fall on the fresh Dark Mark. The mixture was simple: spring water and phoenix tears. It eased the deepest pains, even that one. It was, in fact, the only thing that had eased Lucius' pain years ago. Bella, of course, had not wanted anything for the pain; she had gladly embraced it as part of her initiation as a Death Eater._

_"How long is it going to burn like that?" he asked._

_"Lucius' Mark hurt him for about three days. Same for Bella. Yours should be no different."_

_He lowered his head, staring at the black tattoo on his flesh, as though he could not believe it was actually there._

_"Can you believe he's actually trusting me with this?" he asked in amazement._

_I don't know how I managed to not cry. "It's a trap," I wanted to yell, "A bloody death trap, it's punishment for your father, he does not think you can succeed, please, please don't try to do such a thing!", but I knew it was no use. It was no use making him feel terrible about it, it was no use telling him to not to it because it was too late now. If he tried to refuse, the Dark Lord would kill him immediately._

_"Well," I said with a forced smile on my lips, "You are a very gifted wizard, honey, it's no wonder he noticed."_

_I kissed his forehead. My dear son, barely sixteen, and expected to kill Hogwarts' headmaster, as though the matter was no big deal._

_"Go to sleep now, it's late."_

* * *

Everybody who had survived the fight was staring at us, standing in what used to be the Great Hall but was now... well, nothing. The entire room had been crushed down. They had seen Harry in Hagrid's arms, and everywhere around us I heard people crying, screaming his name, their hopes shattered with the death of the one whom they thought would be their hero. I really hoped to whoever was up there taking prayers that the boy wouldn't betray himself by showing he was alive. A moment too soon, and I was sure to die before ever laying my eyes on Draco.

I searched for him in the crowd as the Dark Lord incited the people of Hogwarts to join his ranks. I doubted anyone there would answer his call: if those people had stayed and fought for their school, there was no way they would join the Death Eaters now.

"Draco," Lucius' voice hissed at my side, "Draco-"

I followed my husband's glance and I finally saw him. I was filled with undescriptible joy: he was covered in dirt, but he seemed relatively unharmed and he was alive. Alive and safe.

"Draco, please-" Lucius begged, but Draco didn't budge.

I took one step towards the crowd, holding one hand forward.

"Draco," I said, and I knew my voice was calmer and more confident than my husband's, "Come."

I looked at him straight into the eyes, trying to make him understand that everything would be okay, and he moved away from the crowd, walking towards us.

"Ah!" the Dark Lord said, greeting him in the middle of his path, "Well done, Draco."

Draco stood very stiffly as the Dark Lord hugged him, filling me with a hatred that words cannot possibly begin to describe. I was honestly surprised that You-Know-Who didn't turn around to kill me, you did not need to be a Legilimens as skilled as he was to feel _that_. I had hated him for a long time: I hated him for taking away my dear sister, I hated him for making her waste so many years in Azkaban, I hated him for enrolling my husband, I hated him for bringing shame to Lucius and treating him with such disrespect, and I thought I could not possibly hate him more than when he decided to use Draco as a mean to punish my husband. I was wrong. The hatred that filled me as I saw _him _hugging _my son_ like he was his own child was second to none.

After what seemed like an eternity, the Dark Lord finally let go of Draco, and he reached us: I took him in my arms, hugging him tighter than I'd ever hugged him, and I felt his arms just as tight around me. I could die now, Harry Potter could rose up and say "Nope, still alive, joke's on you!" and the Dark Lord could strike me right now with the Killing Curse for lying to him, I wouldn't care, because from the moment I held him in my arms, I knew that it had all been worth it - my precious baby boy...

"We're going back home," I whispered to his ear, so low that I'm not sure even he could hear me, "I promise this is all over..."

And just over a minute after that promise, Neville Longbottom claimed that the fight was not over, and Harry Potter rolled down from Hagrid's huge arms, throwing a spell at the confused Death Eater crowd before he began running, everybody falling back into the castle with him. Around us, panicked Death Eaters began Disapparating.

"No!" Bellatrix shouted at them, "Stay! We fight! _Come on!_"

I held Draco's hand firmly in mine. For one split second before chasing down Harry Potter in the castle, the Dark Lord turned, his red eyes looking for me: he knew now, he knew I had dared. I smirked at him.

"We go now," I said, turning my back on the broken castle.

Draco's hand still in mine, I began walking away, my head held high. Enough was enough. I didn't turn around to see whether Lucius was staying or following me; quite frankly, I was at a point where I did not care about that. If he stayed there, then so be it.

"No! COME BACK! LUCIUS! _COWARD_, COME BACK AND FIGHT!"

Bella's yells brought a smile, a happy, sincere smile to my lips, for I knew that they meant only one thing: Lucius was coming with us.

At long last, he had chosen us over him.

**The endz!: **Dammit I'm lazy. This thing was started at least 6 months ago and stayed stuck at the part where Narcissa approaches Harry's ''body'' for the longest time. Then tonight I decided ''welp, time to finish this!'' here's hoping you guys enjoyed it :)


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